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Like Michael and LaToya JacksonI've been investigating the troubling question of Josh Zimmerman's true identity for several months now. It all started at my wedding, where my cousins were getting in line to paw at Josh. "Why, it's Russell Crowe!" they squealed as they offered up napkins and bosoms for his autograph. Later discussions were not terribly effective in dissuading them from their initial identification. Later, I uncovered a similar incident (minus the bosoms) surrounding a gay restauranteur who had the pleasure of waiting on Josh. This fellow also made the Crowe-Zimmerman connection, and Josh scored an invitation to an after-dinner party strictly based on the merits of his Crowe-like visage. For years I've denied that there's any meat to this accusation. Mmm, meat. But now, after much thought and a week of running Josh's stats through my Identity Sexuppifier, I firmly believe that I have finally uncovered Josh's closely-guarded secret. By day he is Josh Zimmerman, mild-mannered Master's degree candidate. By night, however, he reverts to his more sinister form; he becomes... celebrated actor and assault enthusiast Russell Crowe! BLATANTLY FABRICATED PIECE OF EVIDENCE #1 They both enjoy spotty facial hair and raucous evenings spent with Julie Pollock.
BLATANTLY FABRICATED PIECE OF EVIDENCE #2 They both enjoy accessorizing with various articles of women's clothing.
BLATANTLY FABRICATED PIECE OF EVIDENCE #3
They share the same DNA.
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"She's a fine seabird: weatherly, stiff and fast... very fast"
I particularly like the part in your Master and Commander pole-dance routine when you yell "Let Fly" and pull your naval trousers off with one sweeping action, revealing your cartographic-print thong.
"Trolls have no independent life of their own but are puppets animated in some way by an external Evil Will." -- J. R. R. Tolkien
In BFPOE #1 Crowe is clearly
In BFPOE #1 Crowe is clearly the Zimmerman lookalike. and a shoddy half-butted one, at that. Josh is quite stunning; I stopped in the middle of this comment for approximately 24 seconds to appreciate that fact, sir. or madam.
Spotty???!?!
"spotty facial hair?" I am quite capable of growing a full beard, thank you very much. And to clear everything up, I don't moonlight as Russel Crowe. It's a widely known fact/rumor on various 2nd rate weblogs that my true secret identity is Gay-Zee (pronounced "jay-zee"), one of the original founding superheros of the "Ambiguously Gay Duo." Unfortunately, I was 'outted' because, despite the copious amounts of hair product I use, I wasn't "gay enough." Ha! Me, the king of metrosexual, not gay enough!?! I practically decked Ace right there. Personally, I think it was because I put Ace to shame when we wore our costume tights. Ace is WAAAY smaller than I am.
Oh well, it's all for the best, I make way more money stripping as a Russel Crowe look alike.
no no you are missing the point
you have totally missed that Julie girl's totally sexy crooked nose. she is like a totally hot witch or something.
the nose has many points
I kid. I think there's some shadow action going on in that picture because I don't remember your nose having four joints...